Sun filters through the large windows creating a sepia type haze, tiny particles of dust barely visible float down and rest in front of me, outside the daily clockwork and grind of city life carries on. A man sits at a bus stop nervously picking his fingers as a woman walks by shrouded in her own discomfort, next to me a man taps his foot as he stares into space, I sip a coffee, life is full of these small complexities.

I walk lost through cities, foreign languages intoxicate the air. As time ticks by I feel myself returning to my self everyday, with every setback comes a flickering candle of hope and beauty. I am learning to float in the seas that once drowned me. When the currents get too strong and I feel myself being dragged back under, I relax where I would of panicked and reflect where I would…

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I have had 42 views in 5 days when I began this ! Not bad huh! I will take it as a good support! Immediately I had to spruce up my appearance of the blog and make it look good. First impression is the last impression they say. Though I hardly believe it. Its important to have any reaction, positive or negative. One can always turn it then as necessary.

Anyways I also had to update the ‘About me’ page. As more people will view this blog, they would need to know about the writer to have a opinion about. I must admit it was very difficult to tell about myself. I mean I can put up facts and information but that would be a resume! Its an interaction here and its like getting to know someone, so how would would one describe oneself? I found it difficult to describe my own qualities. If I’m self-aware and self-conscious shouldn’t I have attained nirvana, grow a beard and preach the philosophy of life?

I feel we think about ourselves as who we want to be and not who we actually are. We look in the mirror everyday and we notice how we don’t look the way we want ourselves to look. We put on makeup, apply creams to hide marks, and what not. We don’t see how we are. We don’t want to accept that image in the mirror. I struggle a lot with self-image. I think more about what I want to be than what I am. How am I gonna change before I see myself?

Wow!!! That was as heavy as therapy! Not good! Although I must say this is a favorite question of HR interviewers “Tell me about yourself?” They must be enjoying themselves. From what I hear its always an awkward answer. Very few actually nail it!

Concluding with the resolve of attempt to “look into myself”, though I have made the same during bouts of depressive moments but never have come around. Hope this time is “the one”.


What do I want to say?

Well to press the publish button after typing my first article was a difficult activity. My finger was shaking before clicking. A self-admittedly private person, starting a public “blah blah” is a big task. I haven’t yet thought about what I would write but I have a pretty good list of reasons to justify myself to go ahead with this. I don’t know how many will read this or if anyone will read it. But it feels good to write anticipating and hoping some will do. I kinda like the feeling. Not that I’m good at writing or stuff like that but this is one reason. Hey, atleast I will look up words to make the articles fancy and full of higher English, and check my grammar and something on those lines. Probably will help to improve my language.

A good show-off! How scholarly and classy and what not good qualities it would sound to say to group of people ” You know I blog!” Most of them won’t bother to check it out and shiver about the idea of reading what someone feels but still makes a statement. From where I come from it is a big thing, something probably done by professional writers.

I’ve got a nice activity to pass my time. Too much thinking is not good, may be I can channel some energy into getting it out of my head.

If someone asks “How are you doing?” I would now probably reply please check my blog for the detailed account. Facebook’s ‘whats on your mind’ isn’t sufficient to put it down. May be I can post these links as my status. Hmm.. That would take care of marketing!

I will become worldly-wise. I will fool myself into thinking I’m obliged to know more to maintain my blog!

Anyways, critics are welcome. In the end its all about perspectives. And readers are requested to comment or reply or criticize. Everything is welcome. Advance acknowledgments!

Hello world!

I can’t believe this is my first blog! I mean in such a manner! This is a result of an outburst! I have begun to feel I have failed my social life. From hanging out with tens of friends I have now come down to a close few group. Not that you don’t stay in touch with anyone or such. You realize this when you are sitting alone in a cafe and thinking to whom to call for company. Thinking! I have myself to blame. My tendency to alienate and isolate! I’m a really private person. And I tend to guard it fiercely. People in my social circle hardly have an idea what I’m up to when I’m not with them.

And at that moment of thinking I wanted to rant it out. I sometimes feel frustrated with thoughts when I can’t share them freely and suppress them deep within. I tend to be believe no one will be interested, and all the probable responses I may get are “Hmmmm”, “uh-huh”, “right”. Lately I have been watching this series ‘In treatment’ [thank you HBO for making it] and boy did I love it. If I have a therapist I want him to be Gabriel Byrne. It has also aroused a desire to express what I ‘feel’. My previous attempt at keeping a diary or a journal, whatever they call it failed miserably when I started penning my thoughts and eventually came to a conclusion at the end of it that it is probably a bad idea and I gave up. So going digital has been on my mind recently as I believe I will not remove a post once I put it , I won’t remove it. Crazy mind! Like I can’t!

Anyway!! There are many things that have been happening recently which have led to this event of me actually blogging one been this series I mentioned above. Discovering a friend’s blog has been an inspiration, leading to me creating this account and following many other blogs in turn adding to the inspiration and awe. As compared to facts and information I’ve always been interested in perspectives. That’s really what matters isn’t it?

So here I am writing long essays, ranting outbursts, typing my thoughts [ long live the phrase ‘penning one’s thoughts’ in this digital world ], venting out suppressed views, beliefs and thoughts. And will be continuing to do so about whatever comes to my mind. My own ‘public’ digital journal!

Concluding this ‘rant’ with an acknowledgement to the events that have led to this – the friend with the blog, another one who writes poems and publishes them on the Facebook account, the series ‘In treatment’, Woody Allen – I recently watched the Annie Hall movie and that guy seems to know everything and has an opinion on everything, and WordPress!!